Cloudy with a Chance of Mermaids
by Ethereal Prey
Summary: Everyone gets a shadow self! We're giving them away like Oprah would! Vampires can procreate, mermaids are real and CareBot lives, even though she's had a few malfunctions. If you're looking for a serious well thought out fic, this is not it. This is just poking fun at the ridiculousness of it all.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is just pure amusement, just making fun of the fuckery that is happening on TVD and TO. This is just poking fun at the blatant and obvious rip off ideas stolen from Joss Wheadon. He did it so much better, but they, if you're gonna steal from him, we're gonna steal from him. Just for laughs, don't take it too seriously and if you have no sense of humor, don't read it. No beta obviously

* * *

Klaus was painting in his studio when he heard the loud crash from upstairs. He ignores it and continues painting. The sounds get louder and louder, things are being smashed and finally Klaus loses his patience.

Hayley chases after the 10 year old boy who runs into the studio.

"Daddy!" the boy yells

Klaus turns and sets his paints down.

"Henrick, you've grown again" Klaus said picking the boy up

He notices the boy wearing one of his shirts. Hayley runs into the room flustered and covered in soap and shampoo.

"Are your werewolf abilities not working?" Klaus asked

"He was fine 5 minutes ago before he had another growth spurt" Hayley said

"Your sole job is to take care of him, that's the only reason why you're here" Klaus said

"Are you mad at mommy?" Henrick asked

"He's always mad at mommy" Hayley said

"Take him upstairs" Klaus handed the child to her

"You're too heavy to carry" Hayley said

Klaus glared at her. Hayley relented and picked up the boy and carried him back upstairs. Klaus looked back at his canvas at the blonde angel he was painting.

* * *

_Elsewhere at the bottom of the lake_

Stefan was coming back to life again, while trapped in the safe. He bangs on the door in vain again knowing that the water in his lungs will drown him yet again. He knows no one can hear him, no one will find him, no one will rescue him.

The door suddenly opens and arms reach in and pull Stefan out. When he awakes he finds himself on the muddy banks. He looks around wondering how he got there. He sees a figure in the water.

"Hello?" he calls out

The figure swims closer to him. To his amazement he sees it's a woman. A very naked woman, with red hair and green eyes. He feels as if he knows her from somewhere.

"You're the one who saved me" Stefan said

"Yes"

"Who are you?"

"My name is Ariel"

"Well thank you Ariel, I don't know how much longer I could have lasted down there"

"And your name?"

"Stefan"

Suddenly a lobster pinched him on the leg.

"ouch!" Stefan kicked it away

Ariel swam closer to the shore and picked up the lobster.

"Sorry about that" Ariel said

"How is there even a lobster here? There's no saltwater here for miles. It's a damn lake"

"Er well, I'm gonna go now"

"Do you need help getting out?"

"What? No"

"Let me help you" Stefan stood up

"I'm fine"

Stefan reached out and pulled her up only to realize that she wasn't standing. Instead he fell back and saw a shiny slippery tail, a fish tail instead.

"Oh shit you're a fish!" Stefan said

"I'm a mermaid!"

Stefan slid himself away from her and looked at her tail.

"I didn't know you were real" Stefan said

"We are! now help me get back into the water"

"Why? Won't you get legs if you stay dry"

"What?! Where did you get that from?"

"I saw it on tv once. It was kinda cheesy this kids show-"

"Hello! I'm a mermaid I need water"

"Are you sure? You could get legs if you're dry. Have you ever tried?"

"No!"

"How did you get here? This is a lake nowhere near the ocean"

"Plot hole!"

* * *

Silas who now looked like Stefan was wandering around the streets of New Orleans. He saw Marcel who was talking to other vampires with daylight rights. Silas tilted his head to the side and walked over to him. Marcel noticing Stefan standing there looked at him.

"I don't swing that way" Marcel said

"You are his shadow self" Silas said

"Excuse you?"

"You are just his shadow self, I'm surprised to see you here"

"Get him boys" Marcel commanded

Silas wasted no time and merely glanced at the vampires. They in turn stopped and walked away. Marcel looked at them in disbelief.

"What the hell?!" Marcel yelled

"Come shadow self, the original can't be far off" Silas said grabbing his arm

* * *

Caroline walked into the bar in the french quarter of New Orleans. She sat down and looked around. She was searching for Stefan being that he had disappeared and no one had heard from him. Damon and Elena were busy being happy and said that Stefan just wanted some time alone.

Someone sat next to the stool next to her in the bar.

"Hey Cami, can I get a soda?" a male voice said

"Henry you know you're not suppose to drink that much soda" Camille answered

"Oh cmon! It's just a soda, not like I'm an alcoholic like my dad"

Camille relented and poured him a glass of soda and placed it infront of him.

"Can I get a lemon and a cherry?"

"Sure thing kid"

Caroline was busy with her phone and didn't notice the guy next to her. She heard the guy burp next to her and she looked over in disgust.

"Gross" Caroline said

Her eyes almost fell out of her sockets when she saw who was sitting next to her. It was Klaus wearing clothes that were his but too big and baggy on him, smirking and drinking a soda. But there was something off about him. He looked younger, like a teenager.

"Carebot, what are you doing here? Is my dad here?" Henrick looked around

"Klaus?" Caroline asked

"Something's wrong with your scanners again, I'm Henrick"

"Why are you talking with that horrible accent? You don't even sound American"

"Carebot, something's wrong with your voice recognition, I'm Henrick"

Henrick reached out to move her hair aside. He got up and went behind her. Caroline quickly turned around using her vamp speed.

"When did you get that upgrade?" Henrick asked

"This isn't funny Klaus!"

"Stop calling me that, I told you I'm Henrick, Carebot"

"There you are!" Hayley yelled as she ran into the bar, "How many times have I told you not to run off?"

"Sorry mom" Henrick said

"What are you doing with that thing here? You know your dad doesn't want you playing with it" Hayley said

"She's being weird, she doesn't recognize me" Henrick said

"Excuse you both!" Caroline yelled

Hayley and Henrick both stared at her.

"I don't know what weird kind of flirting this is, but it sucks, and you, you skanky were slut, what are you doing here anyways!?" Caroline yelled

"What the hell Carebot!" Henrick yelled and moved her hair aside to look at her neck but he only saw skin

"It's your fault Tyler had to go on the run, and it's your fault that those 12 hybrids died, and its your fault that Tyler's mom died!" Caroline said as she reached out to strangle Hayley

"This isn't a machine!" Hayley yelled

Caroline managed to knock Hayley to the ground and started choking her. Henrick pulled Caroline off and threw it back. He bent down to help Hayley.

"Oh hell no, don't tell me you two are like a thing now?" Caroline said

"She's my mom, and if you do that again I'll make you sorry for it" Henrick said

"Your mom? Caroline said in disbelief

"Yes, I'm his mother, wait till you meet his father" Hayley said getting up

"Yeah, my dad will seriously kick your butt!"

Caroline looked at Hayley and then at this younger version of Klaus.

"oh my god! You and Klaus?" Caroline covered her mouth

"Yes, me and Klaus, jealous that I got there first?"

"I just threw up in my mouth a little" Caroline said

* * *

This is just silliness. It's nice to take a break from the serious, so I hope you were amused. If you have no sense of humor don't read it and don't leave me a review, I really don't care what you have to say.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for everyone who read. let's skip the fuckery that is real life and just laugh a bit ok?

* * *

Klaus was finishing his sketch from the couch.

"How much longer?" Caroline said from the couch across from him

"Patience is a virtue love"

Caroline scoffed and got up.

"Why did you move?" Klaus asked

"Because you're taking forever, I know you're like a billion but cmon"

"I'm not a billion"

"Feels like it. Do you even know how to have fun?"

"Yes I do, though my ways are a bit more sanitary than yours"

"You're one to talk, not like vampires can get sick anyways"

"Does that mean you'll be eating off the floor like a dog?"

"Speak of dogs, are you going to show me how you look like as a wolf?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because I am not here for your amusement"

"Right because that's what I'm here for. Tyler let me see"

Klaus flashed infront of her.

"Do not use that name in my presence"

"Why? Are you going to spank me?"

A smile flashed across his face

"Maybe love, you'd probably enjoy it"

"Ew, no, not into that sick freaky shit, course you be into that. You just love to tie someone up or chain them up and take away all their control, just like your hybrids"

"Stop! Too much snark"

Caroline's body relaxed where she stood. Her face was blank. Klaus walked behind her and moved her hair aside. He opened the control panel located under her neck. There were knobs for lust, sass, snark, sarcasm, happy, bubbly, and a few more emotions. Klaus dialed down the snark. He closed the panel and ran his fingers through her hair.

"Niklaus what are you doing?!" Elijah said as he entered the room, "Where on earth did you even get that thing?"

"What is it Elijah?"

"I find it very disturbing that you have a machine with the likeness of Miss Forbes"

"Was there a point to you interrupting me?"

"Marcel is missing"

"So?"

"His ranks are confused and do not know what to do. And Henrick is missing again"

"Hayley is completely useless, her inability to keep track of one child is beyond her"

* * *

Stefan was carrying his mermaid down the road. The lobster was scurrying behind them.

"Where are you taking me?" Ariel asked

"I'm not sure, but no one's going to believe me if I don't have proof"

"Put me down!"

"You can't walk, you don't have legs"

"Put me back"

"Why? So you can stay in that boring lake all day? Just like the Loch Ness monster"

"Nessie's real!"

"it is not"

"He's real, he's just naturally blurry like big foot"

* * *

Rebekah was driving her red convertible through New Orleans. She saw Marcel and Stefan/silas walking across the street and they stopped in front of her car. She slammed on the breaks.

"Are you mad?!" Rebekah yelled getting out of the car

The two looked at her confused.

"What the hell are you doing here Stefan?" Rebekah asked

"Another shadow self! I'm quite lucky these days" Silas said

"What?!" Rebekah yelled

"Come with me!" Silas grabbed onto her arm and pulled her along with Marcel

* * *

Caroline was outside the bar trying not to throw up anymore, as if vampires could throw up. She heard the sound of Hayley scolding Henrick and calling for a cab. Henrick sulked and went outside. Caroline looked up at him.

"You look just like him" Caroline said

"I'm not my dad, I'm Henrick"

"How do you look like him?"

"I dunno. I just do. But I don't look as old as him though."

Caroline could see it in his eyes, they were so full of light and he had a goofy smile on his face. This definitely was not Klaus. Henrick looked to be about 17. A group of girls walked by and they all glanced over at Henrick. He smiled back and blushed. Caroline couldn't believe it, he was actually blushing.

"Go talk to them" Caroline said

"I don't know what to say"

"It helps if you have the accent"

"What accent?"

"The accent that your dad has"

"Dad just talks funny"

"Accents are beer goggles for girls"

"Really?"

"yeah, you should try to talk like your dad more, it's pretty hot"

"Did it work on you?"

"A little"

Caroline couldn't believe it, she was flirting with Klaus's son. What was in his gene pool? Was she just predestined to be attracted to Klaus?

"All dad does is draw and paint and drink. Then he says I can't drink"

"Your dad is a lot older"

"I know, he's like a million or something"

"Not a million, I said that to him once"

"Really?"

"Yeah, course I was dying at the time so I really didn't care"

"How do you know my dad?"

"It's a long story kid"

"I'm not a kid, I look the same as you"

"No, I'm trapped in a buffer year, i look 17 but i'm 18"

"Oh can you drive? Mom won't let me drive"

The sound of Klaus's voice in an american accent calling Hayley his mom just didn't sit right with Caroline.

"This is too weird"

* * *

Silas was dragging Marcel and Rebekah to a tea parlor. They sat down at a table and proceeded to have tea, with tea cakes, pastries and sugar cubes. Silas used his power on them to make them stay.

"What are we doing here?" REbekah asked

"We're having tea" Silas said

"you're not stefan" Rebekah said

"And you're not that blonde. Here have a cookie"

Rebekah's phone started ringing and Silas reached for it and looked at the picture on the phone.

"oh, another one! I'll be right back" Silas said disappearing

* * *

Caroline walked into the house. Hayley walked in and walked into another room. Henrick was busy texting on his phone. Caroline glanced over at what he was doing.

"You can't go see all of them, they'll eat you alive" Caroline said

"What am I suppose to do then?"

"Play hard to get, you can't be that available"

"I've never done this before"

"They all like you, but you can't like all of them"

"why not?"

"Seriously?"

Henrick looked up at her and gave her the puppy dog eyes. He was too much like Klaus.

"Don't use that on me."

"Is it working?"

"Don't be the jerk that makes them hate guys. If you're not interested in one of them, be upfront about it, but don't go after all of them. Don't be greedy"

"Ok"

Henrick turned and opened the door and Sophie stood there. Sophie looked at him but knew something was off about him.

"I'll be back later!" Henrick walked past Sophie

"But we have to talk! Klaus!" Sophie yelled

"That's not Klaus" Caroline said

Sophie looked at her confused. Klaus walked out, when he heard Henrick yelling something.

"Sophie, Caroline?" Klaus asked

"We need to talk" Sophie said

"I need a drink" Caroline said walking off

Caroline walked into the room where the Carebot was. She stopped and looked at it.

"This is some freaky shit"

Caroline walked up to it. Carebot stood there, looking blank. Caroline waved her hand in front of it, and poked it with her finger. She felt real. Almost too real. The realization of what this thing was and what Klaus was doing with it hit her.

"KLAUS!"

Caroline heard Klaus yelling near the door and flashed there. She found the door open, Sophie gone, and a wolf sitting in a pile of clothes instead.

"Klaus?" Caroline asked

The wolf tilted its head and whined.

* * *

Rebekah and Marcel were still sitting at the table drinking tea.

"Why are we still doing this?" Rebekah said

"No idea" Marcel said

"I drank 3 pots of tea already!"

Stefan/Silas returned with Elijah.

"Stefan what is the meaning of this?" Elijah asked

"We're having a tea party" Stefan/Silas said

"I don't think this is the time-" Elijah started to say

"Join us" Silas said

Elijah sat down and poured himself some tea. It was strange as he didn't know why he was doing it.

"Now that we're all here" Silas said

"Stefan, you've gone mad!" Rebekah said

"She drank a lot of tea" Marcel said

"Do you need to use the little girls' room?" Silas asked

* * *

Caroline was chasing the wolf through the rooms of the house. Klaus apparently liked to chew on the furniture, knock over lamps, and apparently wasn't housebroken.

"Klaus get back here!" Caroline yelled

Klaus turned the corner and ran into the kitchen. Caroline ran in after him and watched him slide across the cool tiles. He crashed into the dishwasher, denting it. She walked up to him, her hands on her hips.

"Bad Klaus! You made a mess!"

Klaus looked up at her and whined. He rubbed his face on her leg. She sighed and with her hand she ran her fingers through his fur. His tail was wagging and he lightly nipped her hand.

"Bad Klaus! No biting!"

Klaus then shoved his face into her crotch which she quickly pushed him away. He jumped on her and knocked her onto the floor. He was licking her face.

"Ew, wolf drool"

Klaus then started licking her chest and shoved his face into her breasts. Caroline immediately pushed him away.

"Bad dog! You know you're not suppose to do that!"

* * *

Stefan put the mermaid on the couch in the boarding house. It seemed no one was home. The lobster followed him and sat next to the mermaid.

"Can I get some water?" Ariel asked

"How come you don't have legs yet?" Stefan asked

"Cause I'm a mermaid! Now put me back!"

"I know a witch, well did know a witch, maybe she can give you some legs and you can walk around so I don't have to carry you"

"Why don't you just put me back"

"But no one will believe that I found a mermaid"

"Actually I found you"

The lobster scurried over to Stefan and pinched him on his leg.

"Ow!" Stefan kicked the lobster away, "do that again I'll give you a warm butter bath!"

* * *

Caroline laid down on the couch while Klaus sat there watching her. Caroline saw that Klaus was still staring at her even in wolf form.

"How did you even get like this? Nevermind I don't want to know. What I do want to know is what you were doing with that were slut Hayley. You and her hooked up and had a kid? Seriously Klaus? Do you just not have standards? You probably have fleas."

Klaus barked back.

"Oh be quiet!"

Klaus barked again. Caroline picked up the newspaper that was rolled up and hit him on the nose.

"Bad dog! No barking!"

Klaus barked again and showed his teeth.

"No biting!" Caroline said as she reached for the spray bottle

Klaus barked again, his jaws snapping, hissing at her. Caroline sprayed the bottle at him, and he recoiled in pain. His paws tried to cover his face and he shrank away. Wolfsbane and water.

"No biting! No shoving your nose into my boobs or crotch and go on the wee wee pad!" Caroline yelled

Klaus shrank away behind the couch. Caroline sighed. She went around the couch and saw Klaus sitting there, his eyes still tearing.

"Cmon let's go wash it out of your eyes" Caroline said

Caroline walked upstairs to the bathroom and filled the tub with water. Klaus followed her in and closed the door. Caroline motioned for him to get into the tub. He jumped in and splashed her. Caroline looked around and saw the various shampoos.

"Surprised Hayley doesn't have dog shampoo" Caroline said

* * *

Hope you were amused. This story is so not serious at all!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Here's another chapter. Just a little laugh and distraction for the fuckery that is on tv these days. hope you're amused. and if you don't have a sense a humor don't read it.

* * *

Caroline awoke with a warm body pressed next to her. She reached out and felt very warm skin. Human skin. Her eyes flew open and saw a naked Klaus sleeping next to her, curled into her side. Caroline pushed herself away and fell off the bed. Klaus woke up when he heard her crash onto the floor.

"What are you doing down there love?" Klaus asked

"I'm leaving that's what!" Caroline said as she got up

* * *

Stefan put the mermaid into an inflatable pool. He stood there and watched her. The lobster sat in the pool with Ariel.

"Why are you staring at me?" Ariel asked

"So you don't get legs when you're on land?"

"We've been through this, I'm a mermaid!"

"So how do you procreate?"

"What?!"

"I mean you're a fish, so how do you do it"

"I'm not discussing that with you!"

"I don't know where everyone is right now, but someone has to see you to know you're real!"

"Just put me back already!"

"Don't you grant wishes?"

"I'm not a genie!"

Stefan walked over and looked at her tail. His hand felt the smooth scales on her tail.

"Stop that!" Ariel yelled

"Why?"

"Because you can't just go around touching my tail!"

"Why not? It's a tail, unless it turns you on"

"Stop it!"

* * *

Henry walked back into the house quietly. He closed the door and started to walk down the hallway.

"Where the hell have you been all night?" Hayley asked

"Hi mom!"

"Don't you give me that, where have you been?"

"Just out in the quarter"

"With who? You know how your father gets"

"With a girl ok? I doubt dad even cares"

"Don't you walk away from me!" Hayley yelled as she followed Henry

Henry ignored her and kept walking. He walked into Klaus's studio. Klaus was adjusting the dress on Carebot.

"What are you, what is that dad?" Henry asked

"Oh my god, Henry get out of here" Hayley said

"Dad?" Henry asked

Klaus turned around and saw Henry and Hayley standing there.

"Are you crying dad?" Henry asked

Klaus touched his face and realized it was wet.

"No, I was sprayed with wolfsbane in the face. It's still in there" Klaus said

"What are you doing to Carebot?" Henry asked

"Dressing her up for Halloween"

"Are we taking her out?"

"Henry! Go to your room!" Hayley yelled

"I'm not 5 mom! God! I'm hungry" Henry said as he left

"That thing is really weird" Hayley said

"Any other insightful things you'd like to share?"

"Your son was out all night with a girl apparently"

"Good for him"

"Look I don't know what he is exactly, but you should have a talk with him, you know about not getting girls pregnant. Cause you can add grandad to the list of things you've done"

"Fine"

"And what the hell is she dressed up as?"

"why are you still here?"

* * *

Rebekah, Elijah and Marcel sat at the dining room table, eating breakfast. They were all dressed up in Victorian clothing. Rebekah reached up and touched her hair.

"What the bloody hell did he do to my hair?" Rebekah asked

"It doesn't look good that's for sure" Marcel said

Silas walked in looking at the three at the table.

"I do love a good play date" Silas said sitting down

"Why are we dressed like this?" Rebekah asked

"We're just recreating the past. You're all doppelgangers, of people I once knew" Silas said

"What?" Elijah asked

"A dopple what?" marcel asked

"Not this again, I thought we left this all behind us in Mystic Falls" Rebekah said

"We're going to have so much fun" Silas said

* * *

Cami walked into the house and looked around for Klaus. She walked into his studio, where he found him painting Carebot.

"Oh, I didn't know you had company" Cami said

Klaus turned around and saw Cami there.

"I wasn't expecting you today" Klaus said

"Are you crying?" Cami asked

"No, I have allergies" Klaus said

"We always meet on Wednesday. To work on your memoirs"

"Is it Wednesday?"

"Yes, look we can do this another day, looks like you're busy"

Klaus looked back at Carebot who was laying on his couch with a white sheet covering her body.

"Caroline, wait for me upstairs will you love?" Klaus said

Carebot got up and pulled the sheet around her. She walked past them and walked upstairs.

"So is that you're on again off again?" Cami asked

"Jealous?"

"I'm here because you're paying me to be"

"Alright, get out your pen and paper then"

The front door opened and Caroline walked in. She was headed upstairs where she left her phone when she saw Klaus and Cami sitting in his studio. Cami looked over and saw Caroline standing there.

"That was fast" Cami said

"What are you doing here Caroline?" Klaus asked

"Left my phone, I'll be gone before you have time to blink" Caroline said as she flashed upstairs

"What was that?!" Carmi yelled

Klaus turned her head to look at her. His eyes dilated.

"Forget that you saw that and continue on as if nothing happened" Klaus said

Caroline flashed upstairs and into the room where her phone was. She stopped when she saw Carebot laying on the bed wrapped in a sheet.

"What the hell? KLAUS!" Caroline yelled

"What is with all the yelling?!" Klaus said from behind her

"What are you doing with that thing!?"

"She's a model"

"Why is she naked and look like me!? Why does she look like me?!"

"She's not naked, she's wrapped in a sheet."

"Where did you even find her?!"

"You know I popped into the local hardware store and picked one up"

"This isn't funny! Why does she look like me!? What have you been doing with it!?"

Klaus merely smirked. Caroline was horrified when she realized what exactly he had been doing with it.

"Oh my god!? Seriously!?"

Caroline grabbed a pillow and started hitting him with it.

"you pervert! You sick pervert! How could you!? She's ME?! And you've been, I can't even say it!"

"Oh cmon! I'm not that evil!"

* * *

So much stupidness happening on tv. I mean seriously? hope you were amused. more to come...evenutally...


End file.
